Waiting
I’m a really impatient person. I hate surprises, I hate anticipation and boy do I hate waiting for things. I routinely take things out of the microwave 10- 15 seconds before they are supposed to be done. 2 minutes for a burrito is way too much for me, it can be a little cold. I take a weightlifting class at my gym, and sometimes there’s a 2 or 3 person line to get weights, I can’t handle it. Why can’t people move?! Pick up weights walk away, not rocket science, not a wide selection.
if I will be hearing from my top choice graduate school within the next 12 days, if they are consistent with past years decisions closer to the end of the period. I can’t explain how anxious I am. I already have one admit, 2 more pending and one application waiting in the wings if I don’t like what I hear from this batch. I just can’t stand it. I chase down the mailman, I check the online status daily if not multiple times a day. I just want to know.
I didn’t get like this for undergrad admission. Granted I had a shitstorm of a family life, had hordes of other pressing concerns like where my next meal was coming from and how to maximize time spent out of the house. But I didn’t go nuts, I just assumed I’d get into a college I’d be happy with. Maybe it was because I selected schools at near random, I didn’t have any help, didn’t know what I wanted (other than not in NJ but on the east coast) and selected at near random. It worked out pretty well. There was no anxiety, just quiet acceptance.
But for grad school I handled it completely differently. I angsted over what I wanted to do for so long, I decided to do a gap year (which sucks balls). After finally selecting my field I started looking at schools. Thank god I was limited in my selection, only 5 schools were in areas I’d even consider. At least that part was easy. Putting together applications, no problem. But now comes the waiting. Maybe I just want this more or I want validation I don’t suck hardcore since apparently I’m not qualified to do the most menial of jobs. I miss the comfort of knowing where I will be in September, I miss constant contact with people who don’t watch Fox News and believe in thinking and reason and aren’t single handedly destroying any hope for conservatives. But for the next 17,280 minutes I watch my clock, hit refresh on my email and I wait.
